Five Hours with Amelia
by Isabel M-Ameban
Summary: Monologue based in its homonym of Delibes' novel which Amelia goes to the Grave of her mother and talks with her about her life, her friends and her problems... Serious story recommended for lovers and not lovers of this character. [Complete].


FIVE HOURS WITH AMELIA 

**FIVE HOURS WITH AMELIA **

_By: Isabel M. _

_Translated by: Ayne Greensleeves _

**(Disclaimer: These characters belong to their respective owners) **

**Author's**** notes: Hello everyone! Well, before I start, I´d like to make some brief comments about this fic, which is originally disposed to be short. **

First of all, I´ll say for me Amelia was, at the beginning, just a comical character, who was there only to make us laugh... that's why I found it surprising that the author related her to Zelgadiss, since I found her funny and nothing else. However, as the series went on, I could check out how she evolved and became mature, and I also started finding out more and more about her until now. This way, I came to the conclusion that she is actually despised because of simple ignorance (well, there are also some exceptions... especially among "certain" public ^^) and many people would think different about her if they knew her better. So this all and my wish of writing a fic that deepened into one character´s story, led me to write this fic about her, which is also a homage to this great Spanish writer named Miguel Delibes. All right, and now that it´s all said, let´s go to the story... ^_^ 

* * *

  


**FIVE HOURS WITH AMELIA **

_By: Isabel M. _

_Translated by: Ayne Greensleeves _

**(Disclaimer: These characters belong to their respective owners) **

**Author's**** notes: Hello everyone! Well, before I start, I´d like to make some brief comments about this fic, which is originally disposed to be short. **

First of all, I´ll say for me Amelia was, at the beginning, just a comical character, who was there only to make us laugh... that's why I found it surprising that the author related her to Zelgadiss, since I found her funny and nothing else. However, as the series went on, I could check out how she evolved and became mature, and I also started finding out more and more about her until now. This way, I came to the conclusion that she is actually despised because of simple ignorance (well, there are also some exceptions... especially among "certain" public ^^) and many people would think different about her if they knew her better. So this all and my wish of writing a fic that deepened into one character´s story, led me to write this fic about her, which is also a homage to this great Spanish writer named Miguel Delibes. All right, and now that it´s all said, let´s go to the story... ^_^ 

* * *

**FIVE HOURS WITH **

Seillon, the most powerful kingdom inside the Barrier, the capital City of White Magic, the richest and most populous city on this side of the world. A city that enjoys a warm and sunny weather, with a population of more than half a million inhabitants, a place where more than 1/3 of the population practice the White Magic Priesthood and where people are merry and know how to enjoy life, riches... and ice-cream. A kingdom, a city and a home... the home of a princess. 

Seillon is one of the most fantastic places in the world; now we can assert the Barrier doesn't exist anymore and its people can travel beyond it... but above all it's a beautiful place because Justice rules here. Or at least, that's what it seems... because its people know well it isn't true. 

Amelia walked between the box-tree hedges and the hydrangea and rosebud flowerbeds of the Palace gardens, heading to a certain place inside them, a place where cypress trees took the place of box-trees and roses turned into white lilies and pansies colored by the evening light.

Several tombs of simple but majestic look stake this garden; some greater than the others, but they all show the winged staff and the snakes, the symbol of Ceephid, engraved in gold on the gravestones: the tombs of Amelia's family. 

The princess knelt before one of them... 

_-"Mama, as every year on this day, I come to visit you today on your rest after the day of your death... But, today, I also want to do it because I'd like to talk to you about many things that have happened in the last three years... and, even though I know you already know them, I want to tell them to you." _

_"Well, the truth is I'm not sure on how to start... I came back from my last journey only 15 days ago; this time it was outside the Barrier, can you believe it? If I could tell you! We saved the world!. Well, that's what I always wanted to do for a lifetime, isn't it?_

_The truth is, despite of all I've been through, I had no other choice than coming back to the duties of my kingdom... what a boredom! I spend many hours everyday revising and signing documents that are always the same: commercial treats, custom duties laws, new buildings, construction orders, priesthood delegations... sigh! It all is terribly boring, I'd rather go on a journey with my friends or on my own to fight for Justice before that!... but I can't turn my back to my duties and I'm consoled to think that's how I make peace and Justice rule over this reign. _

_Because, after all, I shall be its Queen. _

_At least while Gracia doesn't come back home." _

_ "Gracia, my elder sister... she looked like you so much!... although I guess I'll look like her too, especially when I grow up. You know, the metabolism of our family is strange... I'm already a little woman, however I still have to grow up and become much taller; the last time we saw Gracia, she was almost as tall as Gaury. You know Gaury, don't you, mama...? Yes, of course, my blond friend, the mercenary swordsman. _

_Gracia...! The truth is I often miss her, we loved each other, but one day she disappeared... _

_And I know well why she did... _

_Mama, I know you are there and you listen to me, at least I want to believe so... but Gracia never believed the same. For me, she was all I could not have been if she hadn't gone away: the next queen of Seillon and its Royal Priestess... but at last I'm the one who took her place. _

_The truth is I'm not sure enough to assert it firmly, but I think Gracia was too independent to face the duties of the Crown. Just imagine! If I can hardly bear it, how would she do?... hee hee... But I think I'm right, she learned White Magic because it was her duty and she had no other choice... she isn't like me who have always wanted to learn it to help others, healing them from their pain and mistress, and fighting Evil without asking for a reward... because that was my biggest wish, but not Garcia's. I think she never agreed with her duty of having to learn White Magic... what she liked was Black Magic. And I know well that if she had never learned it in secrecy, she wouldn't have been able to kill the man who murdered you... God Cephid!... mama, do you really know who was that man? Why did he kill you? For Gracia and for me... for we both... seeing you in the middle of that blood pool, beside that sword and the man who had murdered you, it was too much. I don't know how I would have reacted if I had been older and had had enough power... but I think Gracia did her best to pursue him and kill him using the spells she had been learning on her own. _

_It possibly was not the best solution because we never got to know why he did it... Tell me, you know it, don't you? From that day, Gracia changed... she wasn't interested in the Throne or White Magic anymore; she spent her whole time learning Black Magic, eating and drinking to forget all about this... she never got to admit that you have been murdered and often times, when she couldn't take it anymore, she looked for me to comfort her... and I didn't know what to tell her. _

_I know she left our Palace because she couldn't take it anymore and wanted to live her own life far away from here; dad and I kept on looking for her, but we never got to find her... it's like she wasn't herself anymore, but a different person, and we couldn't recognize her. _

_But, guess what? now that years have passed and I see things in a different way, I think leaving our Palace was the best thing she could have done for herself as much as for Seillon." _

_"I don't like the idea of becoming a queen and spending the rest of my life signing documents and receiving delegations, so whenever I have a chance, I take a trip to grant peace and Justice, as dad does here in Seillon... but I often think it's useless because it's here in Seillon, and especially in our family, where Evil dwells... and to be honest, I'll tell you I think dad... and maybe uncle Christopher too, are the only ones who have a righteous heart in this Court and the only ones I can trust on. I think Gracia used to think the same, and maybe she had a feeling that, actually, Booley killed you taking orders from... Gracia never trusted uncle Randy from your death. _

_I killed uncle Randy when he betrayed dad three years ago; he died buried under tons of stone in a cave, so the tomb I see right beside here is just a symbol. _

_He was my uncle and dad's seneschal, but now that years have passed, I wonder if I really had to kill him, even if he had betrayed dad to become the king of Seillon... Tell me, mama, was he the one who ordered your murder? I don't know if I should regret what I did or not. And the truth is I often don't know who I can trust in this court... _

_Dad is the most righteous man of all; I know all he does is for Good and Justice in Seillon... for me he is like a hero to imitate... and I think so because there is no one else to trust in my family: what can I think when I see that they murdered you, that I had to kill uncle Randy and that cousin Alfred contracted with demons to get the throne? Is that seat I can't even see such a big temptation? I often feel alone here in Seillon despite of being loved and respected by many people." _

_"Know what, mama? since you died I've wanted to grant Peace and Justice, and for a long time I thought I could do it because I'd be able to recognize both good and evil people... But I was wrong... _

_Gracia used to say "you mustn't judge a book by seeing its cover". For a long time I didn't understand what she meant, but now I know it well... Books with beautiful covers are everywhere and their stories are horrible; and ugly books full of nice stories are hidden. _

_The day uncle Randy died, I began to understand it..." _

_"You know Lina Inverse, don't you? my friend Lina? Yes, of course! she was here when we buried... well... you already know it and I think I've often told you about her: she is my best friend and she's also a good example of why we mustn't judge a book by its cover. _

_As you know, I have some friends in the court, but they are nothing like the relationship I have with Lina, Gaury, Zel or Shilfild... They've been the ones who really taught me to understand what Gracia always asserted. _

_I've often told you that Lina is my best friend, but I also fear her: people say horrible things about her... things like she's a murderer, a thief... a destructive creature of the worst kind. And the truth is it doesn't surprise me cause she does all it takes to deserve this fame... _

_I know well it's just what it seems at first sight, and why people fear her, but I also know she actually is a nice person, even if she doesn't show it... I also know she actually envies me because I have all she would like to have: a palace, a lot of treasures and a well shaped body... I'm sure, if she could stay here, she would spend the whole day in the Treasure Chamber surrounded by food and magic books about how to learn destructive spells or modify her body... with Gaury, of course. Wow! now that I mention it, Gracia and Lina aren't so different! They both seem to be only interested in money and food... though I don't know if Gracia would like someone as Gaury. _

_I know they love each other, even though Lina always tries to hide it, especially by beating him with no reason... I can understand it, but not that she also has to beat me and everyone who doesn't take her orders. It's one of the things I dislike about her, she's always giving us orders and beating people without allowing them to express their opinion... I don't know what kind of queen she would be if she was in my shoes. In this sense we are opposite sides: she yearns for my throne and my might because, in my place, she could easily get all the things she wants... while I envy their freedom to travel around the world without having to care about my duties as a princess, and being able to be myself without thinking my acts could cause a conflict or even a war. You know, it's true, whenever I travel with them I never behave like Her Royal Highness Princess Amelia Wil Tesla Seillon, but just as Amelia, as they all call me." _

_"Lina and I... and we all, have shared a lot of things; traveling with them has been very important in my life, and each of them in a different way... _

_You see... everybody had heard a lot about Lina, so when I met the living legend, I was very excited: for me Lina was a heroine even greater than dad... Whenever I saw her fighting bandits, I was amazed, and wanted to be like her. Now that years have passed I know I was wrong, it's true that Lina is a wonderful sorceress, yet I don't have to be like her but what I am and can become. I started to realize this when I asked her to teach me the "Drag Slave" and saw the disaster it caused... though luckily I could fix it. I also saw it clearly when she destroyed part of Seillon; you must know it well since the destruction can be seen from this place! I think it's better this way, now Lina is my best friend and then a great sorceress whom I don't have to imitate anymore, and that's it... And as a secret: sometimes I'm afraid of being seen with her; I don't want people to think that I'm like her and that I go destroying towns everywhere. _

_The truth is I'd like her to be more careful in everything she does; I tried to explain it, but she doesn't get it or doesn't want to listen, or she just starts shouting like a market woman... so, at last, I think I'll let her be and do whatever she wants while it's not extremely necessary. I don't know if it's the right thing, but Gaury and Zel do the same to avoid some trouble... after all, trying to change Lina is a lost cause. _

_Although... guess what? I think, despite of all I've told you, if I purposed, I would also be able to cast "Drag Slave" now. It's true that I'm a priestess and not a black sorceress like her, but Shilfild is a priestess too and she can do it, and I've seen her using it very often so I know it rather well. Anyway, if I did it, my priesthood abilities would decrease, because since I knew my friends I've learned many things about magic, even Black Magic... but practicing these spells shortens my white magic abilities." _

_"Lina taught me many things, as a person and as a magic user, as long as the rest of my friends; but it's something I had to earn by time cause, when I first met Lina and Gaury, now I know it, they could do nothing but suffering me, cause, as I told you before, I admired Lina so much and wanted to be like her, so all I did all the time was asking her to teach me new spells. Of course they didn't take me too seriously... especially when they saw how I turned against them when I knew they were on the "wanted" posters... hee hee! Actually, it made me think about what Gracia used to say. _

_But I also know that, if I got to control all this magic, it wasn't only because Lina taught me, but also because of all I've been through and many other people I knew. Lina is my best friend, but it's a mistake to think all I am is thanks to her, and the truth is she was the one who least taught me... It's hard to think this way, but if Lina taught me all she did, it was because she had no choice. _

_However, even though Lina may be egoist, selfish, hysterical, rude, gluttonous, avaricious... and so on, she's still my best friend." _

_"But there is something all my friends have in common and I can't bear it. No, it's not about their personalities, it's nothing about the fact that they all are selfish or avaricious, no... it's something related to you, mama... It's about swords. _

_I hate swords and all kind of weapons... It's the same for Gracia, whenever I see my friends fighting and using a weapon, I feel sick; that's why I always fight just with my bare hands. What is more, did you know I even created an offensive Shamanisc spell I use on my fists?... I called it "Visfarank" and it's very mighty... Someday I'll tell you why I gave it this name. _

_You can imagine how much I improved my magic, but I still can't use weapons; it was really hard when that demigod from another world, Sirius, told me to use Nezard to fight Dark Star- Dabranygudu. I had to do it, of course, the fate of our world was in danger, and even despite of my apprehension, I couldn't turn my back to my friends and my world. _

_What scares me is the fact that they all carry swords and they have influenced their lives... just like mine, but in a different way. Lina, for example: she is a good fencer and she uses her sword above all in that time of the month, so with this and the trouble she's always getting stuck in, you can imagine how often I've seen her using it... besides, it seems like her elder sister (whom she really fears!) is also an extraordinary fencer. But also my two best friends are good swordsmen, in fact my friend Zelgadiss, as I told you long ago, is miserable because of his interest in fencing... I'm still surprised he still feels like drawing a sword. Yet he's not the one I mean, but Gaury." _

_"I've often told you about him before; he's the blond guy Lina loves... you know, don't you? Gaury is very kind and has a great heart... Now that I know so many different people, I'm surprised he's so nice when he's also a mercenary swordsman. I appreciate him a lot, he's good and sensitive... I'm sure if I could spend some more time with him (and Lina didn't stick her nose), I could perfectly convince him to help me fight Evil and Injustice... The truth is he's the only one who follows my cause. _

_But I don't think I could get him to join me because of two reasons: the first one is the fact that Gaury is... is... it's hard to explain... well... he isn't very clever, he takes really long to understand anything, and sometimes, when we are talking, he doesn't get it and asks us to explain everything once and once again, so we often end up nervous and stuck into trouble for his sake, because he's always absent and doesn't know what's the point... that's what I mean. If it's hard for me to make a difference between Good and Evil, imagine how hard it's for Gaury! But as a secret, I think he often pretends to be silly; he knows well how to keep Lina controlled and how to make her feel good, even if she's always beating him for any reason, and besides, he was the only one of us all who knew Xeross was a demon from the beginning... Zelgadiss says he has a great intuition and that's why he manages to go on; I guess it's true, after all he knows things about Gaury that Lina and I ignore cause we haven't shared with him, after all, they both are boys, you know..." _

_"Anyway, there is a reason why Gaury could never join my fight for Justice, however I think it's a beautiful reason... Gaury loves Lina as I told you before; I know it well because I noticed it a long time ago and I've seen it many times. And the truth is I like seeing them together... the problem is Lina hates to admit it and she always hits him, and he can only take it, I don't know how he can do it! Sometimes I think Gaury enjoys being beat! I can't understand it... Gaury doesn't, but Lina becomes very nervous when I tell them something like they make a beautiful couple and so on, so I finally decided to shut up. The others, of course, don't say much either: Zelgadiss, for example... I don't know if it's because he doesn't understand this kind of things and hasn't noticed it, or if he doesn't really care... I guess that's the true reason, cause he's very clever. However, Martina is delighted about this. Once she told me that Gaury and Lina saved themselves from Phibrizo and L-sama cause they loved each other, and I think the same... This proves that Love and Justice are above everything, hee hee! _

_Ah! If Lina heard all I've just said, she'd be really angry and she'd beat me a lot... _

_She always dissembles by saying she only follows him for his Sword of Light, and... oh! now I remember, if I started talking about Gaury it was because of his sword... errr... oh well, that's what I was going to say: Gaury owned the Sword of Light, and he always said it was the treasure of his family and he would never leave it behind... not even for Lina. And the truth is it's a wonderful sword, I've used it sometimes because I had no choice, and even if it's hard to admit, just having it in my hands feels wonderful. But I still can't understand why Gaury gave it to that so-called Sirius if it was so important to him... at least it was worth to make Lina admit she's with him for something else than the sword! _

_Anyway, I think... well... for Gaury, his sword is something more, it's also a burden, and he was longing to leave it behind but he didn't find anyone reliable whom he could give it. He always said how precious it was to his family, but he hardly told us about them... all we know is he has an elder brother and that's it. I think that sword was actually so valorous that influenced his home and he was tired of it all, so he gave it back... yes, it may be that." _

_"The truth is it makes me think, maybe Gracia and I aren't the only ones who want to live our own lives without being tortured by our duties and families. You know what I mean, mama, it's not about you or dad, it's just that it seems like these things lead our lives to make us miserable. I don't want to become a queen, you know it well; I just want to be the justice bringer, or at least just Amelia... but I console myself thinking I can be it all at the same time. I think the same about my friends: Lina tries so hard to be the best, independently from her sister, that's why she spends her whole life traveling and granting all kind of brutality, I guess it's something similar for Gaury but, as I told you, I can't be sure... I think at the end we all are very similar." _

_"Anyway I'm still the next Queen of Seillon and I thank goodness none of them has taken the chance to stay in this palace using our friendship as excuse... you see, I told you about Shilfild, didn't I? the Hulagon Priestess who can use "Drag Slave". She suffered a lot cause her whole family, her hometown and the Hulagon were destroyed; from that day she has no place she can call her home but here in Seillon, where she lives with her uncle Gray who is also a priest. She has never asked me to allow her to stay in the palace, she just lives here, somewhere in the city, and she often goes away to help others with her magic... I think, if she could, she would rebuild Sairog with her might and would be happier; yet we all know she can't do it and her dearest dream is to marry Gaury. _

_But that's impossible..." _

_"..." _

_"Mama, I... I haven't been completely honest to you, and I think you already know it. There is someone I'd really like to come to Seillon... and it's not Lina. God Cephid! if this ever happened, I could say goodbye to my palace! Well the truth is... I think perhaps it's better that he isn't here, I don't know how he could manage with all this useless paperwork and be comfortable at the same time, I know he doesn't like the Court." _

_"You know who I'm talking about, don't you, mama? of course you know..." _

_"Once I told you about chimeras, these horrible creatures some wizards create by mixing different beings and turning them into slaves... I told you that, when I saw one for the first time, I thought it was the most repugnant thing in the world and it caused me nausea... but also sorrow, when I thought how they could torture any creature or even a person if it was turned into one of these things. But now, when I think of it all, I'm surprised of myself... and I think I have to tell you why._

_ Zelgadiss is a chimera, also an outcast pursued by Justice, known as something as scary as Lina´s titles, such as "Dark Warrior", "The Demon Swordman" and so on... and his looks are kind of... strange, but he's my friend... my best friend. _

_Mama, I think I've already told you about this before, but I have to tell you again, cause... cause you can't figure out how many times I've regret of having judged him for his looks, of having called him "monster". Now, whenever I remember the day we met, I feel shame of myself, and I think all I can say to excuse myself is I was too young then in every aspect." _

_"I judged him for his cover." _

_"Mama, I'm sure you already know it well, but I think Zelgadiss is one of the people who have most influenced my life; he's the one who taught me more about magic and also about people and about life, even if it was just through his own presence... You see, what I'm trying to say is... well, before Lina and I met him, he used to be a murderer and an obvious danger for Justice, yet despite of all my causes, I could never condemn him: could I do that just because of his looks? No, I can't do it anymore, yet not only for this reason, but because of knowing that Evil doesn't always show as ugliness, but behind kindness... Zelgadiss is the grandson of Rezo the Red Priest, the Holy Man who was worshiped by people and whom I wanted to imitate... but Rezo is also the cause of his misfortune and all the murders he committed... Who is the guilty then? The Saint or the Demon? Rezo got the glory and Zelgadiss the despite when they both were the sides of the same coin... Mama, he influenced my life so much because I count as a friend someone who is, at the beginning, all I've fought against: a monster and a foe... even more if I tell you how much I like him. _

_I used to think evil men were the ones who had betrayed Cephid by turning into some kind of heartless demons, but Zelgadiss taught me I was wrong, cause he, as I see him, is more of a human person than most people I know in this palace... and maybe that's why I like him so much. Zelgadiss is intelligent, cool, quiet and implacable; but he is also efficient, passionate and noble... a nice guy, yet he always seems to be trying to hide it... that's why I don't think I'm... in love with him, it's just that I really like him and that's it. _

_No, it can't be anything else; I like being with him, but sometimes he hurts me with his behavior... he's so selfish and cynical! He seems to enjoy looking at the dark side of all things! I can't ever think the same way." _

_"However, I'm a princess and I'm a girl who might be interesting to some guys; though I hardly have free time because of my duties, I met some young men in this palace who follow me and flirt with me saying how pretty and lovely I am... but I know they all do it cause they're trying to win me, to them I'm just a possible profitable marriage or political help for their families, not a person... Maybe there are some of them who don't think this way, but I can't be sure. Mama, I don't want to get married and share my life with one of these noble young men; I want to do it for love, as you and dad did... and if this is, I prefer Zelgadiss despite of his egoism before I marry any of those pretenders. However, I'm a princess and then I'm more of a public and political figure than a person; caring about my own happiness might be against the interests of my people and my kingdom, so I often think that, no matter how much dad loves me, he and I couldn't allow myself to share my life with someone I love, but with someone the political affairs design to be my husband... It is a hidden law to have to sacrifice my freedom to be a princess? My situation might sound romantic, finding myself forced to sacrifice my own happiness for the comfort of my people, yet it's unfair and I wish so bad I could avoid it. Besides, I think it's my right to be selfish cause I always sacrifice it all for my people and I'm also a person who thinks and feels... _

_But I'm still unsure on what I feel for him, and if we ever made a couple, I can't figure out how our relationship would be: Zelgadiss is lonely and cynical, and he couldn't bear the court lifestyle... I can't even imagine him as the King of Seillon! Besides, even though dad likes him, I don't know if the citizens of Seillon would accept him as their king and my husband cause he's a chimera, yet his main goal, above all things, is turning into a human again. Besides, despite of the nausea chimeras cause me, I must admit I like his looks with his silver hair and these long cute ears... but I can understand his pain and I know, even if he could get to be my husband someday, we... we couldn't have any children while he wasn't completely human again, and we could never be totally happy if he didn't forget the part of his life that meant being a chimera." _

_"I've always helped him as much as I could, probably more than Lina or anyone else, when we fight we both are co penetrated cause we shared so much knowledge of magic, and I always support him in his search for humanity... Yes, I've done much for him, but it never was because I thought he might be a good husband for me, and even less for charity... This is the last reason why I'd ever do something for him, cause this way I'd destroy his whole dignity by making him believe I don't see him as a creature who needs piety and charity; he would never accept to be loved just for causing pity. It would be completely denigrating to him." _

_"You know, anyway, I think... he likes me too, but he wouldn't admit it. I think so because he has always stayed beside me, even though sometimes he looks annoyed with my ideas and my way of thinking which is so different from his; but I also think so because he saved my life several times... God Cephid! Once it was awful, mama! it was like you, I couldn't bear it!... He saved me from Gaarv who tried to kill me with his sword, he came between us... and was knocked... _

_ It was horrible, it went across his stony body so easily and when... when I saw him again he was lying on his own blood. I couldn't bear it, mama, it was just like you, dead by a sword in the middle of so much blood... But then I already had the power and could save his life, and this meant a lot to me. _

_However, I never got to thank him for what he did, and never told him I couldn't have beared his death and less in such a way." _

_"I wanted him to come back to Seillon with me; whenever we parted I asked him if he would come to Seillon and he never agreed... The last time he said he would think about it, but he finally didn't... and I gave him one of the Chalza talismans and he accepted to take it with him; I was surprised but also glad... not just for me, but also for him, for it proved, to me and himself, that he can be more of a human than we all believe. Maybe he really doesn't dare admitting that he has feelings for me, not just because he thinks he's a monster and his body is loathsome, but because he's also afraid of hurting others in the same way he did when he worked for Rezo. _

_When I think of all the times he saved me and all the things we've shared, I believe he does have feelings for me... and this makes me happy; yet despite of all I've said before, I also think he'd never admit so because, as I told you, he considers himself as a monster and he's obsessed with turning into a human, above all; besides, he always seems to be annoyed with my ideas (well, everybody seems so) and my merry character. He seems to be just taking it all the time, as if I was some annoying bug that disturbs him with its presence, and behaves as if my firmest beliefs were the most ridiculous thing in the world; I'm optimist and full of life, I can't see things with the same pessimism cause I know, if I did, I couldn't live anymore... I couldn't bear thinking that all around me in Seillon and even more in the palace wants me to disappear to take my place; it would be my self-destruction. _

_However, he acts like assuming everything is bad and he doesn't care, cause life taught him to live this way... and maybe he acts this way because, otherwise, he couldn't bear the pain of the crimes he caused; I know how much they hurt him, and if he didn't pretend he doesn't care, he couldn't keep his head high. Maybe my way of thinking sounds ridiculous to him and to everyone, and maybe I think his cynicism won't make him forget his murders... in fact I think, maybe for the same reason, we need each other... cause we can complete each other, cause we both, he taking my vitality and love to life, and me taking his cold reasoning, can live our lives." _

_"Anyway, I don't know how my friendship with them all will end; maybe Lina and Gaury will end up marrying when she admits what she feels and Gaury finds out what it means; but I think we'll keep in touch. It's the same with Shilfild, she is the one who lives closest to me; I'll meet Xeross whenever there is trouble with demons, and Lina is the best at causing it; I often meet Martina and her husband... she's a princess like me, and even if it's just for crown affairs, I meet her... But I don't think I'll ever meet again Phiria, the dragon ex-priestess of Vrabazard, cause she stayed beyond the ancient Barrier taking care of Valgarv. But I don´t know about Zelgadiss; I don't think he wants to come to Seillon willingly, even if it's just to visit me, unless he has a really important reason, that is, the spell to become human... although, if he became a human, maybe he'd come and then... I don't know..." _

_"But my happiness doesn't depend just on him; I'm not like Shilfild who runs away from her frustrations by trying to be with Gaury; I admit I miss someone to be beside me in times of doubt and weakness here in the palace, when I overflow with all the happenings since the day of your death and the loneliness I feel... No, I don't think of holding Zelgadiss as my savior just like Sbilfild does with Gaury; maybe there are some people in this palace who don't think I'm just a spoiled little princess who can think of nothing but her prince when she falls in love; no, even supposing I was really in love with him, I find it's ridiculous to think he can be my savior... The problems I had and I will have for being a princess, I'll have to solve them by myself; I can't put my fate and my people's in danger for one person. It's hard to think this way, to think I'll always have to sacrifice my own happiness to help others for being who I am, but I want you to understand, in this case, that I would never think of Zelgadiss or anyone else as my Guardian Angel who will always be by my side saving me form evil, as Shilfild thinks of Gaury; even if I must admit I'd like to have someone to lean on. _

_I don't want you to think Shilfild is a coward for all I've said about her; on the contrary, she has often proved her bravery to face great dangers, as she did with Xanafer and Phibrizo, and to learn the "Drag Slave" on her own even being so messy with offensive magic, but maybe she needs to feel wrapped by others to keep walking her life, especially now that she lost all she had. Maybe I haven't found myself in the same situation yet, alone in the world, but I think I'm close to her in that sense... and I don't depend on others as much as she does. But I think we all are, in some way, and maybe that's why we are so close." _

_"However, there is an exception, someone I often wonder what he really cares about, cause if he was what he seems to be, he would be nothing but a machine... like a windmill that works only when the miller and the wind make its sails go round, but is unable to do it by itself... _

_I started wondering about him when I knew demons and gods are forced to fight because that's what L-sama decided, just for her own fun: are they automatons? are they clones that obey their creator without remembering the experiences of their original? when I think so, I remember Rezo´s copy, maybe he, just like Voldfild and Dabranygudu, wanted his own freedom, fighting to find his own identity. What else could they be? A clone who was there to console a broken hearted sorceress in love; and two Lords of a World whose acts were only leading them to self-destruction... Somehow I feel like them: I sacrificed my own identity too. There is someone I'd like to talk to about all this..." _

_"I've told you Xeross is a mazoku and that's something we discovered long after meeting him: he deceived us all by saying he was Cephid´s priest... us all but Gaury. Xeross looks like a boy like my swordsman friend, but dark-haired and rather handsome... yet his violet eyes and straight eyeballs prove he's actually a evil demon, even though we never realized so because of his smiley expression. Anyway, according to Lina and Zel, a high demon's physical appearance is optional, that is, Xeross takes the shape of a boy cause he needs it to live in our material world among us, but if he wanted to spy, he just would take the shape of a servant or one of the birds in this garden... he could do it so easily. _

_But I find it's strange to think of him in other way than this young priest of straight hair, black cloak and staff. _

_The truth is I don't know what to think about him; he deceives and uses us as his puppets, but he also helped us when we needed him... at least when he was interested in us. Lina says she doesn't want to be against him while he doesn't menace us; besides, although he's mighty enough to not think of us as a serious danger, the truth is Lina knows some spells mighty enough to hurt him... yet a battle between them would be terrific... I hope it will never happen. _

_ But, you know, actually, I'm the only one who can beat him easily... by singing. Yes! singing praises to life and happiness. He can't bear it cause his might depends on the dark feelings that feed him, so when he hears me singing, he feels sick and loses a lot of his power, and I don't find it hard to do something I like. You should have seen the face he shows whenever I say I'm going to sing... _

_Anyway, Xeross has always been kind to me... we even played a magic tennis match! and before I knew he was a mazoku, I used to trust on him... although that was very annoying to Zelgadiss. Now that I know what he really is, I don't trust on him anymore, but I can´t help liking him. I used to think he was just a practical joker and that was the reason why he always tricked us... so I didn't care about it; sometimes it was annoying, but nothing else. But now that I know what he is, I wonder if he does it just cause it's his way to be, to live among humans without looking suspicious, if he does it to earn people's confidence as he did with me, or if he also does it to earn people's irritation and feed himself with it... I guess that's why he's always annoying Zelgadiss... and Phiria! that's why he can feel comfortable in such a friendly team as ours. But, actually, I think it's a mix of all these reasons... _

_However, what I'd really like to know is what moves him in life; he always answers to private questions with this irritating "that's a secret!" so, though he never told us lies, none of us knows what he really thinks about himself and his existence. Does Xeross live only for his ruler Xellass or any other high demon? what would happen if he suddenly lost his master? _

_That's what I told you before, mama... I'd like to know what he really thinks of himself and his existence without freedom... maybe, as an intelligent creature, he wonders about the goal of his life, and more after knowing his is a caprice of L-sama, as Valgaarv explained during our fight against Dark Star. It's like the windmill I told you before, but one that thinks it can move its sails by itself. Maybe that's the reason for his merry character and his smiley expression: he also wishes to have an identity to make him different from other demons, like that other one who liked dolls and puppets, something hard to believe in a devil. _

_ I'd like him to tell me about this because it might help me know how I could free my life from the fate of being a princess. _

_But maybe he envies mankind from the same reason." _

_"I want to be someone like Martina... well, you know what I mean: I mean to be a princess who found happiness by herself and someone to share it with her. Martina ended up marrying Zangulus because they loved each other, and neither her father nor Zoana complained about this; besides, even if she rules her land in such a despoti... I mean... half-witted way, she does it in her own right and without sacrificing her own freedom. I mean, maybe that's kind of a tyranny, but Martina enjoys her freedom. I'd never do the same things she does, but I'd like to choose the one I love and lead my life the way I want without depending on my duties or the court's orders." _

_ "Mama, I'd like Gracia to not have left the palace, but I also don't dare saying it's because I prefer her to be the queen of Seillon before me; I also would like Alfred and Randy to not be dead because of the throne... and of course you to not be dead at all... I often wonder how things would have been if it all never had happened; maybe I wouldn't be telling you all this, but something about the palace or about some of these suitors... and most probably, I wouldn't have _

_met Lina and Xeross... nor Zelgadiss; and thinking this way makes me sad. _

_I'm sorry to be so selfish, but all the happenings around me made me become what I am now... and maybe I'm not a real woman yet, but of course I'm not a spoiled little princess who gets scared at seeing a lizard-man... thanks to all this and all the people I know, I am what I am and I feel proud of it. And all I still have to know is what I can do for myself and for Seillon´s future... but it's something that depends just on me..." _

" Ameliaaa! "

"Eh...? " 

"Are you there, niece? " 

"Yes, here I am, uncle Cristopher... " 

A man in white, with something like a turban on his head and a luxuriant moustache walked towards Amelia while she stood up from the grave, shaking the dust off her dress. 

"I've been looking for you- the prince told her- But I didn't expect to find you here... Did I disturb you?" 

"No, don't worry, uncle...- Amelia answered with a soft smile- I think I've already told mama all I wanted to say... " 

"Ah, really?"- he exclaimed in a roguish tone of voice-. "And what did you tell her, if I can ask? Were you talking to her about a young man or something like that? You can trust on me... " 

Amelia laughed at this question. 

"Uncle...!"- she exclaimed, pretending to be startled-. "No! I was telling her about my journey around the outer world! " 

"Why, if she already knows all you did? " 

"Yes, but I wanted to tell her anyway... Come on, let's go up for dinner! " 

And saying this, they both left the graveyard heading to the palace buildings. 

"Goodbye, mama; I'm glad to have told you all this. I'll visit you again next year... Take care." 

THE END 


End file.
